Mended

Whether silently resigned

Or curtly unkind

I knew you had something to hide

And softly creaked open your heart’s door

 

I tentatively stepped inside

A timid whisper drew me across the threshold

A nervous flame began to grow in a dark corner

Overlooking a musty muddled mess

 

To the untrained eye

It held a chaotic quality

But my calm palm felt

The quaking pile of thread

And sensed the unraveled beauty

 

Weave convenient needle

Through weather-beaten thread

To pull ravishing features

Back together again

 

Words flesh out in blue

But held in caring hands

Begin to change and evolve

Color after color bursts forth

 

Uncertain but steady streams

Of an identity you used to be

Before sun rose over horizon

And you fell below the tide

 

I gaze at the sewn color wheel

Of letters I am blessed to hear

You mutter rapidly

Into my empathetic ear

Before withdrawing to your hushed corner

So easy to cling in the winter

 

I lovingly carry the new creation

With me to the doorway

Look back adoringly at your

Dark cavern

Outlined in silver

 

Every edge is visible from the doorway

Where you would grimace

But I simply beam

 

The door snaps closed in fright

I determinedly place the message

On the wood that

Inevitably absorbs the label

You let me delicately mend:

“Not fargone nor forgotten.”

 

~Annah

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Resolution? No, Restoration.

It’s December 30th, which means everyone is planning their resolutions for 2017. I’ve never been into resolutions… I’ve tried a couple times but I usually end up disappointed, as I’m sure many other people can agree.

There are a lot of things I need to work on. Exercise is barely existent in my life, there’s always room to grow spiritually and there are tons of things I never spend hardly enough time doing. If I wanted I could make a list miles long of things I need to do or improve upon. But that wouldn’t help nor motivate me.

I think planning on a restoration makes much more sense than a resolution. My goal is not to solve something this year,  but to ‘to return something to a former owner, place or condition’ as the definition states.

I need to remember what I was made for and who I was made for. Believe it or not, I’m not made to acquire money or go to school. I’m not made for good grades and resumes. I can proudly say my purpose is much more personal and meaningful. So I want to spend my year truly living and believing that I’m made to grow close to my Father and show others his love. Everything else that needs fixing can stem from that.

God is well-known for highlighting sins in my life. At different periods I’ve felt him tugging my heartstrings to focus on certain shortcomings. This past year it has been lust, which in many ways I feel is still a taboo subject! Lately I’ve felt more drawn to focus on selfishness and gossip.

Especially for women, gossip has become so normalized, it’s frightening! We are so quick to talk about people behind their backs, even if it’s not the most serious scenario. When I’m angry or upset, it’s so much easier to go to a friend than God or the person involved. Not only that, but we engage on the other end and never stop to call each other out and redirect each other back to God.

I want to restore my friendships to Godly ones. Too often I don’t want to hurt my friends’ feelings, but to be a real friend in Christ, sometimes we have to speak the truth. We have to say the hard things that make our flesh furious, but will ultimately keep our eyes on the right person.

I’m to be a servant of the Lord as well and too often I forget that. I put myself first. I tell myself I’ll pray for others or I’ll be there for them once my stress and checklist is over and finished. I’ll help you once it’s convenient for me. That is not okay. My priorities have been upside down and I want to make strides to flip the pyramid back over. It’s going to be hard, it’s going to be heavy and I’ll probably sweat a lot (out of my eyes), but this restoration needs to happen.

My prayer is that this coming year I could lean on my Father more than anyone else. I hope to be able to point my loved ones back in his direction every time. I pray that when I fall God and others would do the same for me, because I know I’m gonna fall. A lot. I pray that you too might find restoration in whatever you feel is necessary.

“Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.” -Hebrews 12:1-2

~Annah