You’re Hired

My first half of college is quickly drawing to a close (yikes, that’s scary!) and summer is approaching. The past few months and the next few weeks will continue to be application season for so many people, and I among them. To be honest with you, these seasons are very difficult and disheartening for me. But I’m always oddly calm, too.

Growing up, I always placed too much emphasis on my grades. Now after 14 years of school I’m starting to realize I’ll be okay no matter what the grade is. My life will go on. But now I face the struggle of putting my identity in jobs, or more appropriately, having numerous applications rejected. I’ll admit I’m a pretty naïve person when it comes to jobs and applications. I have so much confidence that I can land any career when the world is far from that simple. When things don’t work out, which is more than the number of times they will, I get super bummed and feel a little unwanted. Have you ever felt that way?

But it’s not even just the rejection from jobs that bothers me. There’s this pressure that I need to be super stressed and worried when things don’t work out. Yes, money is obviously necessary in this world, but if it takes me a little longer to find a job the world will not go up in flames… The thing is in the midst of the chaos and application season when everyone is rushing and frazzled, I kind of step back and intentionally try to do the opposite.

I’m weird, I have anxiety and worry a ton, but when I’m in a huge group of people who are all worrying that instantly makes me want to calm down. Everyone was freaking out about housing earlier this year and constantly kept asking me what my plans were, concerned for their future living situations. I would reply with something like, ‘you know, I don’t know where I’m living, but I’m honestly not that worried. Somehow it’ll work out.’

The pressure college puts on us to be constantly stressed about the future really turns me off. I just want to yell, “No, I’m not going to enter this season worried and I’ll be better off for it, thanks!” Was I bummed when an interview I thought went really well didn’t land me any of the multiple jobs they were hiring? Heck yeah! But then I dusted myself off and thought that that Dad of mine has something else in store this next season and I’m going to trust that. Instead, I’ll be working with my school newspaper crew again next school year. They’re pretty cool, so I’ll walk through that open door.

I’m at least starting off this coming summer at the coffee shop I worked at last year. Honestly, I was pretty bummed none of my other job efforts paid off and a little frustrated with God for personal reasons. I’ll keep applying and hopefully at least acquire another new part-time job on the side. I thought my season at the coffee shop was over and needed to be over, but God has a different plan. He always does, doesn’t he? I told one of my coworkers I was returning and her sweet response made me feel a lot better. Maybe it wasn’t my ideal vision but there are people there God has blessed me to work alongside.

What I want you to know and hear if you are in my boat of changing seasons is that things work out. They always do. And you will meet some cool people that teach you more about life and all the kinds of intricate people you share the planet with.

~AnnahIMG_0448 (2)

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Perspective and Remembrance

I was so excited for this brief Thanksgiving break for many reasons. Mostly because it would be a break from homework and stress… I got all of my homework done except for handing out surveys for  my statistics project. I thought it would be easy. But much to my dismay, I sat in Biggby on November 25th, trying to get strangers to read three papers and fill out a survey and I succeeded only two times. I knew it was a lot to ask and I wasn’t very hopeful–when my doubts were confirmed, I came home and cried.

Yes, I was frustrated over the project, but more than that I was upset over the fact that even a small amount of work created stress. I was frustrated because I realized we never truly get ‘a break.’ Not in this world.

This has been the busiest semester of school by far, not to mention the fact that it has included my least favorite class of all time: statistics. (How did you guess?!) It has really made me stop and think. It has pushed me to my emotional limits. I went two weeks with headaches. My hypochondria tried to tell me I was dying, but reflecting on it, I’m pretty sure they were all stress headaches. This world is going to kill me. It just asks for more and more and more until I’m too tired to give any more.

I take a glance at my workload, jobs, what I’m trying to do with my life, relationships with people… but man, I don’t know how I’d survive everything without the hope of Jesus. When I get caught up in these trivial things the car of my life speeds into the ditch and I question how I landed there, only to find God standing on the highway saying ‘why didn’t you listen to me?‘ Time and time again I see the storm when I try to control my life and give in to the demands of the world. Yet I walk towards the storm countless times anyway.

We as people are so forgetful. Christians are also so forgetful. There are many Christians today who are caught up in the rules, the right and wrongs, the ‘good’ and the ‘bad’ people. Yes, there are many things in the Bible we are told to follow. But we also screw up and need forgiveness. People are fixed on the rules and forget what it means that God is Love. We also forget that we are told to judge, but judge only our fellow brothers and sisters in Christ, to keep each other in check when we fall. We cannot judge nonbelievers, only God can.

I, and maybe you too, need to take a moment to ourselves. Breathe a bit. Soak in the hustling, crazy world around us and see how tiring it is. Do we really want to be a part of that? Then look to the truth, crack open the Bible, say a prayer. Let God breathe life back into our tired bones. Remember who can control the entire storm.

~Annah